During the last week, I experienced one of a manager's worst
nightmares. When I left church Wednesday night, I found a message on my
cell phone.
My Network Administrator had left a message that was essentially his
last will and testament.
I immediately called his cell phone and found that he had changed his
greeting to a "goodbye world" message. I notified the authorities in
the town where he lives. They went to check on him and discovered that
John (not his real name) had apparently decided that, at age 35 and
with two children, he was finished living.
As our office and especially our department worked through the grief
and spoke with counselors over the next few days, it slowly began to
emerge that there had been some warning signs:
- Sudden change in family situation (in this case, a separation from
his spouse)
- Personality change (from outgoing to withdrawn, or vice-versa)
- Periods of near-giddiness followed by deep depression
- Person becomes "distant" and apparently disinterested
Every one of us believes that if John had just talked to us about
what was going through his mind, we could have talked him out of it.
The counselors tell us this is not necessarily true. We still
wonder.
John had only been with us about two months. While each of us
noticed some of these signs, we all thought it was just a normal part
of working through the family problems he was having. We are told that
it probably was, but at some point it went beyond that and John's
situation must have appeared, at least to him, as hopeless.
According to the National Center for Health Statistics, in 1999 (the
most recent year for full data), there were 29,199 suicides in the U.S.
That's one every 18 minutes. It is estimated that every suicide
intimately affects a minimum of six other people. At least some of
these might be prevented by professional counseling.
The goal of the American Association of Suicidology (AAS) is to
understand and prevent suicide. According to information on their website, a person
might be suicidal if he or she:
- Talks about committing suicide
- Has trouble eating or sleeping
- Experiences drastic changes in behavior
- Withdraws from friends and/or social activities
- Loses interest in hobbies, work, school, etc.
- Prepares for death by making out a will and final arrangements
- Gives away prized possessions
- Has attempted suicide before
- Takes unnecessary risks
- Has had recent severe losses
- Is preoccupied with death and dying
- Loses interest in their personal appearance
- Increases their use of alcohol or drugs
Here are some ways to be helpful to someone who is threatening
suicide:
- Be direct. Talk openly and matter-of-factly about suicide.
- Be willing to listen. Allow expressions of feelings. Accept the
feelings.
- Be non-judgmental. Don't debate whether suicide is right or wrong,
or feelings are good or bad. Don't lecture on the value of life.
- Get involved. Become available. Show interest and support.
- Don't dare him or her to do it.
- Don't act shocked. This will put distance between you.
- Don't be sworn to secrecy. Seek support.
- Offer hope that alternatives are available but do not offer glib
reassurance.
- Take action. Remove means, such as guns or stockpiled pills.
- Get help from persons or agencies specializing in crisis
intervention and suicide prevention.
I realize that this article has little to do with the Mac or
Information Technology. However, as the late Mac columnist Rodney O. Lain (whose life tragically
ended in this same manner) once wrote, "There is more to my life than
Macs, so I write about more than Macs."
If you know someone at risk for suicide, talk to them. Better yet,
try to get them to talk to a professional. Whether it be at work,
school, church, or in other settings, statistics say that we will all
eventually encounter someone contemplating suicide. Ours may be the
only help they get.
The National Hopeline Network 1-800-SUICIDE provides access to
trained telephone counselors, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
